Give yourself the gift of Limits by bro. bo sanchez

I have a very special message for you today, and it’s directed to a very special audience.  I’m dedicating this special message to the approval addict, the chronically nice, the people pleaser, and anyone else who needs to love themselves more.  These are people who lack Personal Boundaries.

A person without Boundaries doesn’t like himself.  In his hunger for love, he’ll bend over backwards to make other people like him. He’ll lose his own personality to please others.  Because he’s allergic to conflict, he won’t speak out his wishes or opinions.  He fears angry, intimidating people.  He usually gets trapped in enmeshed relationships.  He allows himself to be abused by Controllers.

Solution?  Give yourself the gift of limits.  When you give yourself the Gift of Limits, you end up giving the world a bigger Gift of Love.  If you don’t build your boundaries, then you won’t help anyone—including yourself.

         Let me explain what boundaries are…

What Are Boundaries?The Fence Around Your Life

Boundaries are your sense of self.  It’s your love for yourself.  It’s your self-value, self-concept, self-definition. 

Boundaries are like the protective Fence around the property of your life. A physical Fence prevents harmful stuff—like snakes, or rabid dogs, or vandals, or thieves—from entering your property.  A psychological Fence does the same thing—it prevents harmful habits and harmful people from entering your life.

1. Harmful Habits

Remember, addictions are a hunger for love.  When you don’t value yourself, you’ll allow harmful habits to come and steal away your physical, emotional, and spiritual health.

I remember talking to a beautiful girl.  After chatting for awhile, she said, “Excuse me Bo, but I have to puff my cancer stick.”  I felt so sad her.  Smoking is bad enough.  To call a cigarette a cancer stick is so much worse. Because our body is very obedient.  It will simply follow what you tell it to produce.

2. Harmful People

         If you don’t value yourself, you allow harmful people to steal away your time, or your health, or your peace, or your purity, or your freedom, or your money, or your dignity…

         This is difficult to do because we believe that good people always say YES.  After all, Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”  (Matthew 16:24)

Hey, if you’re emotionally healthy, you should follow this call right away.  But what if you’re not emotionally healthy?  If you’re an emotionally broken person without personal boundaries, following this call right away will be a disaster.

A broken person is attracted to a religion that says, “Deny to yourself!” and “Die to yourself!” because he doesn’t like himself.  Question: How can you deny yourself and die to yourself when you don’t even have a self?”

But that’s what some broken people do.  These boundary-less people don’t love themselves, yet they try to give love in an effort to gain love.  And they end up even more broken.

Before you deny yourself, build your boundaries!  Before you give love to others, receive God’s Love to heal your brokenness, give you a powerful sense of self, and teach you how to love yourself.

Once you’ve built your boundaries, then you can deny yourself for others not based on fear but on real love.

Help Yourself So You Can Help Others

That’s why I love the Good Samaritan story.

I’m struck how Sammie had good boundaries. (Sorry, Jesus didn’t give us a name, so let’s call the guy Sammie.)  How do I know he has good boundaries?  Jesus included this important detail in the story: The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’  (Luke 10:37)

I find this little factoid absolutely fascinating.  Jesus could have said, “And Sammie stayed with the injured man for three days until he recovered.”  But that wasn’t what He said.  Jesus said that Sammie delegated the injured man to the innkeeper because he had to take care of his own business.  I don’t know what business he was in.  Perhaps he was selling Ipads and had to see a customer in the next town.

Sammie probably said, “This isn’t the last guy I’ll be helping on the road.  There’ll be more injured, wounded, poor guys along my path.  So I need to continue my little business so that I’ll be able to help more people.”

I pick out two powerful lessons here.

First Lesson: When you help others, you should never forget helping yourself.  Don’t kill the Goose that lays the Golden Egg.  The Goose is you.  The Golden Eggs is your service.  Take care of you so that you can continue to serve.

Second Lesson: When you help others, do it with a team.  Don’t try to do everything by yourself or you’ll burn out.  Give yourself the gift of limits and you’ll be able to give a bigger gift of love to the world.

The 4 Most Common Broken Fences In Your Life

How do you build your Boundaries? 

After 30+ years of helping people, I’ve noticed 4 of the most common areas where we have broken Boundaries.  These are like broken fences where thieves enter and steal God’s blessings from your life:

1.   Our Money Fence is Broken

2.   Our Body Fence is Broken

3.   Our Friendship Fence is Broken

4.   Our Helping Fence is Broken

1. Our Money Fence Is Broken

It’s your personal responsibility to build your finances.

In our old way of thinking, Christians should never think about money.  I think that’s nuts.  When you help others, you should help yourself financially.  That’s not selfishness, that’s self-love.

If you’re a parent, then let me speak to you.  I know you love your kids.  But don’t spend everything for your kids.  Give yourself the gift of limits. You need to set aside a portion of your income for your future personal needs.  Because if you don’t invest for yourself, you’ll end up burdening your adult children to pay for your old age.   You want to be grow old and grow rich at the same time.

2. Our Body Fence Is Broken

I see this so often: When mothers no longer have time for themselves because of the children’s needs.

Don’t do that.  Or you’ll burn out.

My message to mothers:  Eat the right food.  Take vacations.  Exercise.  Take time to pray.  And see to it that you have “alone” times.  And time to be with your girlfriends.  I love it when my wife goes out with her girlfriends.  Because I know that when she comes home, her Love Tank is full, and she has much love to give to me and the boys.

I see this same “burning out” among Christian Leaders.  If you’re a Christian leader, be like Sammie.  Delegate.  Work as a Team.  Meet your physical needs.  Watch what you eat.  Establish an exercise program.  And take vacations.  It isn’t a sin to ask for one!

3. Our Friendship Fence Is Broken

         When you were growing up, your mother told you, “Choose your friends.”  I’m going to say the same thing to you.

         Don’t just spend time with the people who are most available to you or with the people that’s right in front of you.  Be deliberate with who you spend your time.  Because your future will be shaped by the people you hang out with.

         First, there are Nourishing Friends.  After hanging out with them, you feel inspired.  You leave their presence encouraged.  Enlightened.  Elevated.

         Second, there are Negative Friends.  After spending time with them, you feel drained.  Deflated.  Depleted.  Discouraged.  Damaged.  And sometimes, devastated.

         If Nourishing Friends are Terrific Friends, then Negative Friends are Toxic Friends.

         It’s their negativity that saps our energy.  They complain a lot.  They love to criticize others.  They love pointing out the faults of others.

Here’s my advice: Love yourself and avoid Toxic People.  Life is short!  You only have a short time on planet earth.  Hang out with the people that nourish you.

         Some Christians think that because God calls us to love all sorts of people, we have no choice but to spend time with the Toxic people 24 hours a day.  We feel guilty and think, “My gosh, if God chose to spend time with the lovable only, then He wouldn’t have spent time with me.”

         But that’s precisely the point.  You’re not God.  You have limits.  Love yourself and give yourself the gift of limits.

         Look.  I’m not saying, “Don’t love Toxic people.”  We should.  But if you’re spending 80% of your time with Toxic people and 20% of your time with Terrific people, you need to invert the proportions.  Be deliberate in choosing who you hang out with. 

4. Our Helping Is Broken

We don’t know how to help others.  Many times, our helping doesn’t help at all.  It doesn’t help the person we’re helping and it doesn’t help the helper.

The wisdom of the Bible can fix this.  The Bible is brilliant.  I find it amazing how a 2000-year-old text contains practical solutions to modern psychological problems.  (Actually, they’re not really modern—they’re just named in a modern way.)

Take Galatians 5.  This chapter contains two seemingly opposing instructions.  In verse 2, it says Carry each other’s burdens… And then in verse 5, just three verses after, it says for each one should carry his own load.

At first, I was confused.  Do we help or do we not help? 

The Answer is in the Greek text.  If you look at the original Greek translation, it’s clear.  “Burden” means Boulder.  And “Load” means Knapsack.

So the literal Greek Translation can be like this: “Carry each other’s BOULDER… for each one should carry his KNAPSACK.”

Meaning? 

Help those who CAN’T carry their burden—But don’t help those who can but WON’T. 

In other words, don’t take on the personal responsibilities of other people.  If you do, your helping isn’t really helping, but harming.

Let me give you an example.  If you’re a mother, you brush the teeth of your toddler.  But at a certain point, you ask your child to take personal responsibility for brushing his teeth.  It will be very awkward if you still brush the teeth of your 27-year old.  There’s something bizarre if Mom says, “Son, open your mouth.  Wider please.  I need to reach your left molar.  So, how was your sales presentation this morning?”

Give yourself the gift of Limits by knowing where your responsibility ends and where the other person’s responsibility begins.

A Story With A Big Question

         I read this story from Rabbi Edwin Friedman. I got the main concept but changed a few details:

Imagine you’re standing on a bridge. 

Suddenly, a man comes running to you with a rope tied around his waist.  He hands you the end of a rope, and asks, “Can you hold this for me?  Really tight, okay?” 

“Uh, okay,” you answer, not understanding why.  When you hold the rope, he walks to the edge of the bridge and jumps off! 

You’re stunned.  You pull the rope with all your might to prevent him from falling further into the water beneath the bridge. 

“Don’t let go of me or I’ll die!” he screams from below. 

You answer back, “You’re crazy!  Why did you do that?  Climb up the rope!”

He says, “You’re now responsible for my life!  Don’t let go of me or I’ll die!”

You look around.  There’s no place to tie the rope.  The guy was right—he was now your responsibility!  But you feel your strength weakening…

Here’s my big question: What will you do?

Tough Love

         There are certain people in this world that will give you their own knapsack (not boulder) and ask you to carry it for them.

But if you’re a person with no boundaries, you’ll take their knapsack or responsibility, thinking this is what Christian Love is.  But actually, you may be helping not because you love, but because you want to be loved.

         Many years ago, I was helping a very poor family.  So I hired the father to work for me as a messenger.  But he wasn’t doing his job well.  No matter how his supervisor coached him, he didn’t want to work even to satisfy the basic requirements.  Plus, everyone in the company didn’t like to work with him anymore.

         So I had this problem: Do I let him go?  But his job was the only thing that fed his family.  Guilt prevented me from firing him.  But something in me told me I should.

         And that was when I realized something.  What if my helping was no longer helping but harming?  What if I was holding him back from changing his life?   I realized that the job I gave was his comfort zone.  If he stayed there, he would never change for the next 30 years.  It was clear that he would remain a mediocre messenger for the rest of his life. But if he no longer had that comfort zone, there was this slight chance that he would be forced to change.  By not firing him, I was preventing this chance (no matter how slim) from happening.

Here’s my lesson: Don’t always save people from the painful consequences of their decisions.  (It was his decision to be an inefficient messenger, not mine.)  Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is to allow a person to experience the bad results of his bad choices.

The Bible talks about Tough Love.

St. Paul said, If one will not work, neither let him eat.  (2 Thessalonians 3:10)  Pretty harsh, don’t you think?  But that’s the point.  That harshness may be the trigger that will force him to change his life. 

The Bible also says, A worker’s appetite works for him, for his hunger urges him on.  (Proverbs 16:26)  Don’t always save people from their hunger.  Because that hunger may move him to change.

         Let me now go back to the story of the bridge and, just like a few Filipino Telenovelas, offer you two endings.

First Version: Happy Ending

The man hanging from the rope screams again, “Don’t let go or I die.  I’m now your responsibility!”

You shout, “I refuse to make your life my responsibility!  You were the one who jumped off the bridge in the first place.  I warn you, you have probably five more minutes to climb up here.  After that, my physical strength would be gone.  When that happens, I have no choice but to let you go!”

The man shouts, “No, I am your responsibility.  If you let go, I die!  You can’t let go…”

After five minutes, your strength is gone.  Your arms collapse and you let go.  The rope slips through your bleeding hands.  The man screams and falls into the water. 

Surprisingly, he doesn’t die.  He swims to shore.  At that moment, he has an “Aha” moment.  He realizes he should stop jumping off bridges.  He changes his life.

         Now for the second version…

Second Version: Tragic Ending

         You scream to the man, “I can’t hold on anymore!  I probably have five more minutes before I lose all my strength…”

         The man screams back, “You have to hold on.  If you let go, I die.  And my blood will be in your hands.”

         Stricken by fear, you tie the rope around your waist—and you hold on for as long as you can.

But slowly, you’re getting weaker.  You feel dizzy.  Your body inches towards the edge of the bridge.  And then it happens—you fall off the bridge.

         The man you were trying to rescue hits the water first.  He does not die.  He swims to shore.  But when you hit the water, you could not swim because you were so weak. 

And you drown and die.

Dealing With Controllers

         Obviously, I like version one.

         But you’ll be surprised how many people follow version two.

         The man who jumped off the bridge is what you call a Controller.  A Controller doesn’t respect the boundaries of another person.  He wants to impose his will on you.

         There are two types of Controllers in this world.  The AggressiveController and the Manipulative Controller.  (The man with the rope was a Manipulative Controller.)  To control you, the Manipulative Controller uses guilt while the Aggressive Controller uses anger.

         And the only way to deal with a Controller?

Love yourself and give yourself the Gift of Limits.

For many decades, I’ve received the “ropes” of other people and held on.  How could I let go?  I’m a Christian.  I’m a Christian Leader.  With much guilt, I held onto the ropes of other people.  But along the way, I felt exhausted, empty, and even depressed.

That’s when I realized I wasn’t really loving.

Soon, I realized that I need to help myself so I can help others.  When I have a healthy sense of self, then I can freely CHOOSE to deny that self, die to myself, and live for others. 

I give myself to others not because of fear or shame or guilt. 

I give myself to others because I truly love.

        May your dreams come true,

         Bo Sanchez

Have FAITH

HAVE FAITH

When Jesus saw how much faith they had, he said to the paralyzed man, “Courage, my son! Your sins are forgiven.” – Matthew 9:2

Icia didn’t know how to react to the invitation from her school. She was chosen as part of the high school delegation that would go to Rome to witness the canonization of their blessed foundress. She was of course excited, but she became troubled when she learned that her family has to cover all the travel and incidental expenses.

She knew that this financial requirement was a major hurdle. She conditioned herself that she wouldn’t be able to join the delegation even before she presented the invitation to her parents. “Do you really want to join this?” her dad asked her. She nodded her head. Her dad then suggested that she write to friends, family and fellow community members to ask for assistance.

Icia followed her dad’s instructions. Her parents were able to allot some amount from their family savings. After a couple of months, she was able to solicit more than enough for her travel. Her visa to Italy was also approved with no hitches. Through her faith in God and action, she was able to join the delegation and became a witness to a truly magnificent event. Alvin Fabella (alvinfabella@yahoo.com)

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REFLECTION:

Do you have problems that seem too big to overcome? Don’t despair. God will always be there for you.

Lord, You said that we must have faith like the mustard seed. May our trials in life serve as opportunities for us to grow our faith in You.

                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                    (from Kerygma Didache)

Have you surrendered your dreams to God? by bro. bo sanchez

Do you want to fulfill your dreams?

You need to surrender your dreams to God.

Many people have taught you to seek your dreams.

But very few have taught you to surrender your dreams.

Don’t get me wrong. Seeking your dreams is important. I always tell people, “You need to know your dream, define your dream, and pursue your dream. You need to have a firm grip on your dream—to eat, talk, walk, and sleep with your dream. I believe that if you don’t seek your dream with fierce commitment, your dreams won’t come true.”

But there’s a second phase to fulfilling your dreams.

At a certain point, after seeking your dream, you need to surrender your dream to God.

Or else you won’t have peace.

In the Bible, God told Abraham to sacrifice his son on the altar (Genesis 22). From personal experience, I’ve noticed that God asks us to offer what is most dear to us.

God calls you to surrender your dream on the altar.

Let me say it in another way. There are two extremes that you need to avoid.

First is when we have no dreams. There are people I know who wake up in the morning not knowing what to do. Because they have no dreams. And a person who has no dreams has already started dying.

That’s why every Sunday at the Feast (our weekly spiritual gathering), I teach people how to dream. I teach people to write 7 dreams on their Novena to God’s Love (it’s a little booklet we give to all first timers)and pray for them everyday.

The second extreme is when their dream consumes their life, it actually destroys them, or destroys their family, or destroys their health, or destroys their relationship with God.

These are people who say, “Unless I get a husband, I won’t be happy.”

Or “Unless I get healed, I won’t be happy.”

Or “Unless I get a baby, I won’t be happy.”

Or “Unless I get a house, I won’t be happy.”

Or “Unless I get a US Visa, I won’t be happy.”

How do you know if you need to surrender your dream to God? When your dream becomes more important than your life. When your dream steals away your peace. When your dream steals away your God.

What does surrendering your dream mean?

I’m not asking you to give up your dream. I’m asking you to give up your attachment to a specific version of your dream.

And that also means surrendering your attachment to a specific timetable of your dream.

Surrender means trusting that God has the best version in mind for you. That God’s best blessing will come in the best time and in the best way.

When you surrender your dream, you’re saying, “Even if I don’t get this dream, I’ll still be happy. Because my trust is in you, Lord.”

I believe something magical happens when you put your dream on the altar. When you surrender, you hear God speak to your heart and say, “Child, will you still want your dream if I tell you that I have something better for you?”

I want you to say this prayer to God right now: “Lord, I’m trusting you. I’ll still seek my dream with joyful passion, but I will surrender my attachment to the details of my dream. I will open myself to your wonderful surprises.”

God Will Allow Temporary Disappointments

My mother wanted me to be a priest.

When I was a little boy, she told me, “I’m praying that you become a priest. I’m not forcing you. But I’ll be the happiest woman in the world if you become a priest.”

Talk about subtle emotional manipulation (Haha).

When I was 16 years old, I took up philosophy for my college course, so that just in case God really called me to priesthood, I’ll be ready. (A.B. Philosophy is required for priesthood.)

After college, I also took all the required subjects for a Masters degree in Theology, again, just in case God really wanted me to be a priest. All the Bishop had to do was send me to a seminary for a year or two—and viola—I was ready for ordination.

But God never called me to be a priest.

When Mom learned that I had a girlfriend, it broke her heart. Aside from the fact that no woman was good enough for her son (Except for Mother Mary), her dream for me to become “Fr. Bo” was slipping through her fingers.

I’m sure there were many days when she imagined me to be a priest. I’m sure she imagined me wearing the clerical garb, celebrating Mass and consecrating the host. And one day, that beautiful picture was blown to bits.

But I also know that through many tears, Mom surrendered her dream for me to God. Like Abraham, she placed me at the altar.

And God gave her another version of that dream.

I didn’t become a priest. But I became a preacher, an author, an entrepreneur, and a leader.

Today, when my mother thinks of me, she’s still the happiest woman in the world!

I love being a lay preacher. I love sharing about how I raise my kids and how I love my wife—stuff that priests will never be able to share. And without the long robe, I feel a lot more irreligious people can identify with me.

Friend, God has a way of fulfilling the dreams in your heart in the best way possible. He will allow you to be temporarily disappointed, but never permanently disappointed.

You don’t have to understand it all. Just surrender your dream to God. Just let it go. Just let God. Enjoy your life today, even if that dream seems to be so far away.

In due time, you’ll see the best blessing coming your way.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

Are you ready to move mountains today? by bro. bo sanchez

Once upon a time, I drove an old jeep.

It was my first vehicle. I had very little money—and it was the only thing I could afford. It was a malfunctioning, smoke-belching, about-to-disintegrate, made-in-the-backyard, owner-type jeep.

It conked out on me every other day. So much so that I pushed it more than I drove it. It was the reason why my thigh muscles and calf muscles became very developed.

I was so poor that I couldn’t buy brand new tires. So I had to buy old retreaded tires. So I had a flat tire every other week. Which was the reason why my biceps became very developed too.

And it was so rusty, people told me to get tetanus shots.

When I drove it on the road, I wasn’t afraid that cops would charge me for a traffic violation. I was afraid they would charge me for littering. It was so rusty, spare parts kept falling off my Jeep.

It was so bad, I really wondered why I still kept it.

I drove it because it was my only vehicle at that time.

But let’s imagine a wild scenario. (Suspend all logic.)

Imagine that one day, a guy knocked on my door and said, “Hi Brother Bo, I’d like to give you a birthday gift.” He then handed me a key. He turned around, walked away, leaving behind him a brand new, top-of-the-line, beautiful Jaguar.

I oohed and I aahed. I get hypnotized by its beauty.

Some months later, I drove my old jeep on the road—and in a busy intersection, a friend drove up beside me. He opened his window and asks, “Bo, where’s your Jaguar?”

I smiled and said, “It’s in the garage.”

My friend frowned. “You mean you don’t drive it?”

I shook my head. “I’ve never tried.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “You’ve never even started the engine and went around the block?”

“Never,” I smile. “Anyway, my jeep still runs away. At least, when it’s not conking out.”

Wouldn’t that be insane?

But that’s exactly what we do with our life.

I believe that God has given us power. In fact, the Bible says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:17).

Like that Jaguar in our garage, God has given us an inner force beyond our wildest imagination.

Star Wars was one of the first movies I watched. “May the Force be with you” Obi-wan said to Luke Skywalker.

Did you notice? It’s so similar to our response at Mass, “May the Lord be with you.”

Star Wars is fiction. But the spiritual war is real.

And “the Force” that God put in our hands is very real too.

In the next 4 weeks, I’d like to share with you the power that God has given you to move mountains (Week 1), enlarge territories (Week 2), increase harvests (Week 3), and finish strong (Week 4).

Even Atheists Have Faith

All of us have faith.

We can’t help it. Human beings are designed to believe in something. Or else we can’t operate in this world.

If you sit on a chair, you need to have faith that it won’t fall apart. If you eat in a restaurant, you need to have faith that the cooks are decent people who don’t put poison in the food. If you drive on a two-way road, you must have faith that the drivers coming in the opposite direction won’t cross that yellow lane between you.

Living in this world requires faith.

It’s just a question on what you’ll have faith on.

Let me shock you: An atheist has faith. He has faith in his logic, his thinking, and in his perceptions—much more than the religious traditions of his culture.

A fearful person has faith. He has faith that the monsters that he’s afraid of are possibly real and violent and powerful.

It’s easy to have faith in big things—like mountains.

Do You Believe In God Or In The Mountain?

Mountains seem big. They’re one of the biggest things our eyes can see.

And mountains seem immovable. You don’t wake up each morning asking, “Hmm, I wonder where Mount Everest travelled today…”

Some of us think of our problems as mountains because they’re big and they’re immovable. You see your financial problem as a mountain, your physical sickness as a mountain, your relationship problem as a mountain…

Many times, problems seem permanent.

But they’re not.

I believe God is permanent; And God’s Love is permanent; And God’s plan to bless you is permanent; And you are permanent! But all problems are temporary.

It’s really your choice.

Will you have faith in God or in your mountains?

Jesus tells us what we should choose, “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. (Mark 11:22-23)

If you want to move the mountains in your life, there are three very crucial steps that you need to take…

1. Identify Your Mountain

2. Identify Your Authority Over The Mountain

3. Identify Where You Want The Mountain To Go

First Step: Identify Your Mountain

Mountains are made of up many layers.

In one sense, mountains are built on top of each other.

Like mountains, your problems are made up of many layers. Your problems are built on top of each other too.

Understand that you have two kinds of problems: Surface problem and Source problem. You can’t solve the Surface problem without solving the Source problem.

Let me give you two examples.

Is Debt Really Your Problem?

Many people say Debt is their problem. They’re buried in debt. Actually, debt is just the surface problem. Usually, beneath that surface problem are two source problems: Materialism and Ignorance.

What is Materialism? When you depend on material things for your happiness. When you wrap up your identity with material things.

I know of people who aren’t happy if they don’t wear a branded shirt. I know of guys who aren’t happy if they don’t drive a flashy car. I repeat: Many people are in debt because they’re materialistic. Debt is only a part of the mountain. The real mountain is their materialism.

Many people are in debt because they’re financially ignorant. They’re financially stupid. They think it’s normal to borrow for what you need and want. Hear me out: It’s not normal!

Borrowing money for clothes, watches, and appliances is sick.

Everyday, I get phone calls and text messages from banks and credit card companies—offering me debt. There’s a massive marketing campaign now—funded by huge companies, huge sales force, and huge budgets—for you to make borrowing a lifestyle.

Debt is not the problem. The problem is materialism and financial ignorance that spawns a borrowing lifestyle.

If you want to eradicate debt, you’ve got to eradicate materialism, financial ignorance, and the borrowing lifestyle!

Let me give you another example.

Is Heart Disease Your Real Problem?

One day, a man came up to me and said he had a heart condition. Doctors told him that he needed a bypass operation. From the way he looked, he was totally desperate.

On the spot, I prayed over for him. And I asked him to continue attending the Feast, our weekly spiritual gathering.

A few weeks later, he came up to me with his face beaming for joy. I didn’t even recognize him from that desperate man I met sometime ago. He said that all the medical tests showed zero blockages of his heart.

I was very happy for him.

But a few months later, I caught up with him. I was shocked that the smile was gone. He told me the sad news that he’s been having chest pains again.

His wife was beside him. With anger in her voice, she said, “Brother Bo, his problem isn’t his heart. His problem is workaholism. He works 15 hours a day. He travels almost every week. His abusing God’s goodness.”

I faced him, eyeball to eyeball, and said, “Look. Your heart disease was a message from God. If you don’t listen to the message, the message will keep coming back. You only have two choices. You either listen to that message or you die.”

The real problem wasn’t his heart problem. That was just the surface problem. The source problem was his work habits. He can’t tell his heart problem to go away without telling his job stress to go away. He may not get rid of his job, but he needs to get rid of how he works in his job.

Second Step:

Identify Your Authority Over The Mountain

Jesus said, “Tell the mountain…”

When people have a mountain of problems, they pray. And that’s very good.

But there comes a point when you should stop praying for your mountains and start talking to your mountains.

Because there comes a point when you have to switch from a victim mentality to a victor’s mentality.

If you’re sick, say, “Sickness, I command you to go in Jesus name. And in place of sickness, I now receive Health into my body. I now receive your strength, vitality, power. I command all malfunctioning organs to be restored, in Jesus name.”

Speak words of faith.

It may not happen overnight.

But in the unseen realm, things are changing in your favor.

In the Bible, Jesus spoke to the fig tree. He said, “You shall not bear fruit again.” The next day, true enough, the Bible says it was dried up all the way from the branches to the roots.

But that was the next day.

When Jesus spoke the words, it seemed as though nothing happened to the tree. It still looked normal.

But when Jesus spoke the words, immediately, something happened in its root system. Below the surface, invisible to the eye, the tree started drying up.

In the same way, when you speak words of faith, it seems as if nothing is happening. But below the surface, invisible to the eye, God is starting something in your situation.

When you say, “I claim the conversion of my children for the Lord,” it may seem as though your kids are still walking away from God—but believe that God is starting to work in their hearts.

When you say, “I claim healing in my body,” it may seem as though you’re as sick as ever—but believe that God is starting the work of healing as you speak.

Incredible power is released when we speak to our mountains.

Are You A Complainer Or A Conqueror?

He didn’t say, “Beg” or “Plead” or “Convince”. He said “Tell”.

Jesus wants you to know you have authority over that mountain. That authority comes from God.

You see, when you have problems, you have two choices. You can either be a Complainer. Or you can be a Conqueror.

Complainers talk about what’s happening; Conquerors make things happen.

Complainers are victims; Conquerors are victors.

Complainers are Mountain-Experts, Mountain-Observers. Mountain-Analyzers, Mountain-Evaluators…

But Conquerors are Mountain-Movers.

Don’t Dwell On The Mountain

Once upon a time, David faced a Mountain named Goliath.

When young David came into the scene of the battle, all the soldiers were Complainers. Every single one! Everyone was saying, “My gosh, look at the Giant! Look at those giant legs. Look at those giant arms. He’s so big. He’s a monster. He probably eats his own children for breakfast! And when he’s still hungry, he eats his nephews and nieces!”

But David wasn’t a Complainer. He was a Conqueror. He didn’t dwell on the Mountain. He dwelt on the Mountain-Mover. He said, “Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the Living God? You come to me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord Almighty.”

Don’t focus on the mountain.

Focus on the mountain mover.

Third Step:

Identify Where You Want The Mountain To Go

This step is very critical.

Don’t dwell your thoughts on the problem, dwell your thoughts on the solution. Don’t dwell your thoughts on where you are now, dwell your thoughts on where you want to go.

Why?

Let’s try this little exercise.

(Be sure to do what I tell you to do.)

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

Be honest.

What are you thinking of right now?

Let There Be Light

You’ve heard me say this before. What you focus on grows.

So if all you think is your problem, your problem will grow bigger and bigger in your mind and in your reality.

Decide today to focus on your blessing!

I’m not saying, “Deny your problem.” That’s not what I’m saying. In fact, awhile ago, I told you to identify your problem. That’s Step 1. Unless you admit and take responsibility for your problem, you’ll not be able to solve it. You can’t go to Step 3 without going through Step 1.

But after identifying your problem, you’ve got to start identifying the solution to your problem.

Jesus said to tell the mountain to “Go” somewhere.

When God created the world, He didn’t say, “Darkness, disappear!” He didn’t say, “Evening, go away…” He didn’t say “Nighttime, vanish before me!”

He said, “Let there be light…”

The focus was on light, not on darkness.

In the same way, don’t focus on the problem, focus on the blessing that will replace the problem.

Don’t just say, “Sickness, go away…” You need to say, “I now receive health in my body, I receive vitality and strength and restoration in all the cells of my body…”

Don’t just say, “Debt, go away…” Say, “I receive financial freedom and abundance and simplicity!”

Why should you do this?

Because your words create your reality.

The Blessings of God are out there. They are everywhere. You are swimming in an ocean of blessings!

But when you speak words of blessing, something happens to the speaker. Something happens to you: You open yourself to the ocean of blessings that you are proclaiming about.

Dwell On How Big Your God Is

Let me say it again: What you focus on grows. (I will never grow tired of reminding you of this powerful spiritual principle. This law rules this universe.)

If you focus on the mountain, the mountain will grow. If you focus on your God, God will “grow” in your perspective. So focus on God.

Don’t dwell on how big your mountain is. Don’t dwell on how big your problem is. Don’t dwell on how big your difficulty is. Don’t dwell on how big your sickness is.

Stop telling God how big your mountains are; Start telling your mountains how big your God is!

Dwell your thoughts on the big God and say, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

Do you have a forgiving attitude? by bro. bo sanchez

Forgiveness is difficult. And confusing.

Before I share with you my main message, let me clarify two things that confuse a lot of people.

Forgiveness And Friendship Require 2 Decisions

First clarification: Forgiveness is different from Friendship.

When you forgive someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be friends with him again.

For example, when a business partner steals from you, you should forgive him. But that doesn’t mean you’ll take him back as your business partner again. That’s a separate decision you’ll have to make.

When your drunkard husband beats you up regularly, you should forgive him. But that doesn’t mean you should take him back as a husband again.

One friend comes to mind: “Liza”. When I got to know her, her husband beat her up for the past 21 years. Her husband’s favorite tool of torture was his hammer. When he was angry, he’d pick up his hammer, push her hand to the wall, and hammer her fingers to bloody pulp.

I asked her, “Why did you stay with this monster for 21 years?” She said, “Because he asked me for his forgiveness.” I told her, “Don’t confuse forgiveness with stupidity. Forgive him, yes, but run away as far as possible from that monster.”

She said, “But I love him…”

I told her, “No, you don’t love him. You need him. You’re attached to him. But you don’t love him. If you really loved him, you would have walked out of that horrible marriage a long time ago. By staying there, you allowed him to continue in his sin of violence.”

Let me say it again. Forgiveness and friendship are two different things that require two different decisions.

Don’t confuse the two.

Second clarification. Please don’t be shocked with what I’m going to say next…

Don’t Rush To Forgive If The Wound Is Grave

When the hurt is very deep, don’t forgive right away.

When someone hurts you deeply, God doesn’t require that you forgive right away. When your husband commits adultery, or when an uncle molests you, or when a friend betrays you…, God doesn’t require that you drive out your feelings of anger “right now”.

Why? Because we’re not robots with push buttons on our chest.

In fact, God knows that we need to get angry for awhile as part of our healing.

By getting angry, we restore our dignity. By getting angry, we love ourselves. By getting angry, we say, “What you did to me was terribly wrong. You violated me.”

I repeat: The process of getting angry (for awhile) is part of your healing.

Anger is like a medicine with an expiration date. Before that expiration date, anger is medicine. After that expiration date, anger becomes poison.

At the right time, God will ask you to surrender your anger.

Which now brings me to our main message for today.

Goal: To Have A Forgiving Attitude

Today, my goal isn’t just to encourage you to forgive those who have wronged you in the past.

Today, my goal is much more ambitious than that.

My goal is to encourage you to develop a forgiving attitude.

Forgiveness is an isolated act. But a forgiving attitude is who you are normally, usually, regularly…

My belief? If you want to be happy in your life, you need to have a forgiving attitude.

Why?

Because you live amidst imperfect people.

You were born into an imperfect family, with imperfect parents, with imperfect siblings.

Announcement: You’re imperfect too! (Unless you happen to be a perfect alien from a perfect planet.)

Everyday, you’ll get hurt. Someone will step on your toe. Someone will stab your back. Someone will kick your behind. Someone will prick your pride. Someone will slander your name.

That’s why Jesus said, Forgive seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:21-22) That number is a Biblical symbol for “forever”.

Believe me, if you don’t have a forgiving attitude, you can’t enjoy any imperfect relationship.

Do You Have An Unforgiving Attitude?

Here’s what I know. A person who has an unforgiving attitude is an unhappy person.

For example, when a waiter brings the wrong order, does it ruin your entire day?

When a cashier makes a mistake, because she’s new, or she’s nervous, or she’s having her own family problems—Do you roll up your eyeballs and sigh a sigh of exasperation?

When a sister borrows your blouse without your permission and doesn’t return it washed and folded, do you fume for the rest of the day?

When a friend forgets to say “thank you” for her birthday gift, do you nurse a grudge until your next birthday?

Here’s the crazy thing about unforgiveness. You can be moping and grumbling at home, while the person you’re angry with could be sunbathing in Boracay.

Face it. Unforgiveness isn’t very wise.

Be Selfish: Have A Forgiving Attitude!

A wise man said, Forgiveness is first of all a gift you give yourself. Forgiveness is almost a selfish act—because of the incredible blessing the forgiver gets!

Imagine this scenario.

You’re so angry at someone, you decide to buy Triple-X poison from the drugstore. Upon reaching home, you drink the entire bottle yourself! And then you hope that the person who offended you dies because of the poison.

Huh?

Pretty insane, right?

But that’s the insanity of the unforgiving attitude.

I know of a woman who caught her husband having many affairs. It totally devastated her. It was such a deep wound, her bitterness slowly killed her body. She had cancer and after 2 years passed away. What happened to her husband? Still with his many girlfriends.

My friend is wiser.

She had a business partner who stole from her P8 Million. She thought it was the end of the world. She’d go to me at our weekly Feast, asking me to pray for her.

And in her heart, she made a decision to forgive her business partner. She refused to remain stuck. She didn’t spend time thinking how to avenge herself. She moved on.

Today, my friend has recovered from that loss—and so much more. Her God is prospering her business.

The business partner who stole from her? She heard that she was in jail—because of another crime.

My friend did the unthinkable: She visited her in jail.

Move On!

Many years ago, I heard through the grapevine that I was being accused of using people’s donations to buy myself a car.

That hurt. (If I used the donations to buy myself a car, I would have bought a Rolls Royce.)

I later learned that a friend had spread that gossip.

But on that same day, I forgave that friend in my heart.

Why? Because I was being “selfish”.

Here was my logic: It’s bad enough that he hurt me once. Why let him hurt me again (and again and again…) by rewinding the tapes of his sin in my mind?

Friend, if someone has hurt you—don’t let that hurt ruin your life. Don’t let a betrayal, or divorce, or adultery, or unfaithfulness destroy your life and your destiny.

Forgive and move on with your life!

Forgiveness means you won’t invest emotional energy to your hurt anymore.

Some people don’t do that.

They like rewinding the tapes. They like reviewing the hurt in their imagination. They like opening an old wound and puncturing it again. And again. And again.

What’s the Solution?

To heal our unforgiving attitude, we must ask, “What is the root of unforgiveness?”

From experience, our inability to forgive others comes from our inability to forgive ourselves. Yes, it can be that simple.

If you don’t receive God’s mercy, you can’t give mercy to others. The Bible says, Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13).

I remember Felipe.

Felipe told me he has a hard time forgiving others.

But as we continued talking, I found out something very glaring about him that he may not have noticed. When he himself does something wrong, he becomes very miserable. He doesn’t allow himself to be happy.

In other words, he punishes himself.

Even if Felipe asks for God’s forgiveness, (and verbally, he’ll tell you he believes that God forgives him), he’ll subconsciously find a way to pay for his sins. By not being happy. By suffering.

He wants to pay for his sins. He demands it upon himself.

Result? When others offend him (and he gets easily offended), he uses the same standards. He wants them to pay up as well.

There are still isolated Catholics who practice flogging. (Other religions practice this too.) These penitents whip themselves as a way of punishing themselves for their sins.

I’ve met Christians who no longer carry a physical whip, but they carry an invisible whip. When they make a mistake, they whip themselves “bloody” in their emotions. They condemn themselves. They walk through life depressed. They accept all suffering as just rewards for their sins—even suffering that’s totally unrelated to their mistakes.

They say they believe God loves them. They even sing about God’s Love. They’ll even tell you that they believe God has forgiven them. But internally, they insist on paying for their sins.

Friend, if there’s one thing I want you to learn today, it is this: Stop trying to pay for your sins!

Rest in His mercy. Let God pay for your sins.

God Desires Mercy, Not Sacrifice

From experience, it’s these people that have an unforgiving attitude.

Because one cannot give what one has not really received.

God says, I desire mercy, not sacrifice. (Matthew 9:13)

But there are people who like sacrifice. They want to keep sacrificing to God for their sins. And worse, they want others to sacrifice for their sins.

But God wants mercy.

I believe the root of all unforgiveness is fear.

Fear that if you don’t let “them” pay for their mistakes, you’ll never get back what you lost.

Not understanding that these people can’t pay anyway.

Here’s the big problem: Only God can pay you.

I was molested as a child. But I’ve long realized that my molesters can’t pay me back. They can’t return to my innocence. They can’t return to me the 20 years of agony.

But God can.

Let God Pay You

God saw you when you were offended. Hurt. Abandoned.

If someone stole from you, or hurt you, or offended you, read this verse: God says, Your shame and disgrace are ended. You will live in your own land. And your wealth will be doubled; Your joy will last forever. (Isaiah 61:7)

What is God saying? He’s telling you, “Let me handle your case. Put the situation in my hands. I’ll see to it that you’ll receive double than what you’ve lost. I’ll see to it that you’ll gain back what was stolen from you.”

As long as you let go and forgive, God will be your vindicator.

He’ll make your wrongs right.

He’ll return what the enemy has stolen.

He’ll even the score.

Remember Job? Job’s friends were trying to comfort him, but they said some hurtful things to him too.

Look at what the Bible says: Then, after Job had prayed for his three friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had had before. (Job 42:10)

If you forgive and pray for your enemies, get ready to be very blessed!

This was the story of my friend Mark.

Mark lent P1 Million to his business partner. It was a huge amount for my friend. But this partner ran away. This devastated Mark. It wasn’t only the money but the betrayal.

But instead of being bitter, staying at home, thinking of ways to get back at him, my friend Mark decided to expand his small business. Instead of spending his time cursing his enemy, he spent his time blessing his business.

After one year, Mark is now earning P1 Million every month. The exact money he lost, he earns now in a snap.

And what happened to the man who stole his money? Through the grapevine, Mark found out that the guy was still financially hard up.

You don’t have to see to it that justice is done. Because the universe is governed by the Law of Reciprocity. What you sow, you reap.

Read carefully:

Unforgiveness is taking matters in your hands.

Forgiveness is taking matters into God’s hands.

The Path Of Blessings

Let me define forgiveness for you: Being kind beyond what is reasonable.

Yes, forgiveness is insane.

On October 2, 2006, thirty-two-year old Charles Roberts entered an Amish school with an automatic rifle.

He tied up the legs of schoolgirls and prepared to shoot them, execution style.

The oldest hostage, a thirteen-year-old, asked Roberts to “shoot me and release the others.” But he didn’t listen to her. He fired at all of them with 400 rounds of ammunition.

He killed five girls.

When the police stormed into the school building, Charles Roberts shot and killed himself.

Why did he shoot the girls? He told them before shooting, “I’m angry at God for taking my little daughter.”

Immediately after the massacre, more than fifty news crews came into that small town. And what they witnessed was unbelievable.

After the funeral of their daughters, the families of these girls visited the funeral of the family of their murderer.

Why did they go there? They went there to offer words of forgiveness and consolation to his widow and her three children.

As if that wasn’t shocking enough, these families raised money for their murderer’s orphaned family.

Insanity.

Why did the Amish do this unexplainable thing?

Because the Amish are Christians. They follow the Bible when it says, “Love does not keep a record of wrongs.”

Yes, even if that wrong was killing their little daughter.

This is the mark of God in your life. When you treat well the people who don’t deserve to be treated well.

I have my little story of forgiveness.

In the past 30+ years of ministry, I’ve had my critics. Some criticized with love. Some criticized with venom.

Someone told me, “Bo, better read this blog. This guy calls you the devil’s servant.” I read his articles. It was true, the writer didn’t like me very much. He said I brought a lot of people to hell.

This is what I did: Instead of getting angry, I prayed blessings for him and his family.

When I did that, I cannot describe to you how free and happy I felt. And I also felt that God’s river of blessings began to flow more into my life.

It’s now your turn.

Have a forgiving attitude.

And bless all those who have offended you.

And believe that you’ll receive double what you have lost.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez